I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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