another moral hangover. fuck.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
