Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
