I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize