You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
