Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
