you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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