Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
