I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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