I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Soap is not a condiment
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
