watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
