after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
