How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
