My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
