Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
