I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
