I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
