Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
