He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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