Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
