Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
