I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I came so hard my ears popped.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
