just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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