Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
