I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
