I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
