And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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