I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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