he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
