I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
