I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
