# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
