Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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