She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
