I think my vagina is haunted
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
