so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
