do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
