What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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