I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
our cab driver is having phone sex.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
