I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
