So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
