I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
