i think my mom watched the whole time
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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