We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
