my mouth tastes like poor choices
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
