matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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