Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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