Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
