He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
