i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
