I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Are we still banned from the library?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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