how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
