xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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