possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
