found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize