I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love black thongs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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