Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize