I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I touched a dick in church today
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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