I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
