me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
