Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
