Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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