WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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