I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
