I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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