So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
