oh god the rape fog is back!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
