Yo dont text me then not text me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
