You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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